The Sunday Mask

Hard Talk #2: The Sunday Mask (Why "I’m Fine" is Killing Us)

You’re sitting in the car in the church parking lot, and the air is thick. Maybe you just had an argument, maybe the bills are overdue, or maybe you’re just exhausted. But the moment you step out and straighten your clothes, the mask goes on.

By the time you reach the greeter, the words are out: "I’m fine, thanks! How are you?" We’ve turned "I’m fine" into a spiritual requirement, but it’s actually the very thing keeping us from the healing we need.

The Hard Look

Decades ago, a popular book coined the phrase I’m OK—You’re OK. But on Sunday mornings, we often play a lonelier game: "I’m Not OK—but I’m certain You are." I remember being part of two different circles of ministers.

• The first was cheery and uniform. Everyone seemed "OK," but the air felt hollow and lonely.

• The second was diverse and raw. In that group, we admitted we were "Not OK." We talked about our failures and our fears.

That second group is where I found true community. As Psalm 51:6 says, God desires "truth in the inward parts"—not a polished performance. When we hide our struggles, we also hide ourselves from the grace that is meant to sustain us.

The Path Forward: The "One-Person Policy"

1. Pick One Safe Space: You don’t have to tell the whole church your business, but you cannot be "fine" to everyone. This week, pick one person you trust. When they ask "How are you?", give them the 100% honest answer.

2. Lead with Weakness: We often try to lead with our strengths to impress people. This week, try leading with a struggle. When you see someone else hurting, don't give them a "fix." Give them a "me too." Your honesty gives others permission to breathe.